Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
Crooked
I walk, limping
Skewed
Perspective twisting to fit,
Visions of the world,
Of people and Myself,
Through broken Oak leaves
That hide shadows,
Smiles and intentions

And how I wish I understood
What it means,
Feels like,
To Live,to Love,
With a full heart
Unafraid and unashamed
Edit: 3/4/17- Many thanks to xlntwtch who suggested this piece for a DD and to doughboycafe for awarding it to me.

I would also like to thank, in advance, any who fave or comment on this. I will be visiting each of your pages.
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2017-03-04
Within by Eremitik This poem is short, but seems to contain a world of feeling. ( Suggested by xlntwtch and Featured by doughboycafe )
:iconivencar:
Ivencar Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
A little eerie, a little sad, yet blooming in the end from the vision how it could be - perfectly done. Congrats!
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2017
Thank you for taking the time to comment. It is appreciated.

Eerie? Hmmm? I never looked at it that way. Interesting.
Reply
:iconivencar:
Ivencar Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Please don't get me wrong; I didn't mean "eerie" in a negative way here. But the picture of weakness and inability which is painted in the beginning caused me goose bumps from compassion, and it forced me to ponder what would happen if never a sunbeam fell into that sadness and end the misery. That's why I called it slightly eerie. Sorry if I chose the wrong word, I'm no native English speaker. For my understanding "eerie" fit best; perhaps "gloomy" would have been a better alternative. Never mind, the poem is done really well, and maybe it offers a broader way of interpretation than you have intended or expected. ;) (Wink) 
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2017
I did not take your comment negatively, in fact, your comment made me go back and look at my poem again to try and see it as you did. I always find it interesting when someone sees something in my poem that I didn't directly intend to be there. And that is what I find so wonderful about poetry- it can mean different things to different people and when a reader lets me know how they see it, I get a deeper understanding of my own work and a deeper appreciation of those who read it. Without the reader, my work would be one dimensional in that I experience it only through my own perspective and not someone elses.

You commenting like this is appreciated a lot. Thank you.
Reply
:iconacinthea:
Acinthea Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is deep but I like it. Now I'm going to go see your other works of art.
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2017
I am glad you like it. and Thank you for browsing my gallery. I hope you find something else you like.
Reply
:iconunicornmum5:
Unicornmum5 Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2017
Beautiful words
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017
Thank you, Karen, for the fave and the comment. I am glad you liked Within.
Reply
:iconemerald-rooster:
Emerald-rooster Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
I have always wanted to write stuff like this. After seeing this it's already done perfectly and true.
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017
Thank you so much for the comment, the fave and the watch. Know that it is appreciated.

As far as you wanting to write something like this? That is the best kind of compliment I can get. Do you write? Your gallery doesn't have any writing in it.
Reply
:iconemerald-rooster:
Emerald-rooster Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
No, sadly I don't. The main reason is because I am scared to, and everytime I try it seams stupid.
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2017
Like all art forms, writing just takes practice and will get better the more you do it. What writing has going for it that other art forms don't, is that we use it everyday in some form or another, so the basic foundation of writing poetry or prose is already there.
What scares you about writing, if I may ask? I think that it seems stupid to you because its something new and you are not used to writing artistically.

If you ever decide to try writing again, I would be happy to help you.
Reply
:iconemerald-rooster:
Emerald-rooster Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. Really. You would help me write. :D thank you. Now can I ask you something? Why would you be willing to help me. Out of a million people and a things ?
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2017
I believe in community I think that all artists should help each other in some way- whether its advice, an ear to listen, showing techniques or discussing how they come up with ideas, whatever.
We have all been beginners and unsure of our first steps as we begin to create. I think if I had someone helping me when I started I would be further along.
I'm no writing expert, just a guy who tries to write stuff I want to write. I write mainly free verse poetry, small pieces of prose, or the occasional piece of flash fiction.
As far as why you?
Why not? You seemed sincere about wanting to write and I don't come across many people here who are willing to comment let alone start a conversation about wanting to write but were unsure about it.
Reply
:iconemerald-rooster:
Emerald-rooster Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Well again I wanted to say thank you. This weekend I will try to come up with a few things, and send them to you on Monday if that's ok. And when did you start writing and deviant.art ?
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2017
Sounds good.
When you send them, please let me know if there is something specific you want me to focus on. If not, I will give you my first impressions and we can go from there.
I started writing poems in my early twenties after I stopped writing lyrics for a band I was in. I joined dA about 9 or ten years ago when I was looking for some superhero art work, lol. I didn't start posting my work until a few years later.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconjwa2277:
JWA2277 Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
"There was a crooked man," by   Mother Goose
    "There was a crooked man, and he walked a crooked mile,
    He found a crooked sixpence against a crooked stile;
    He bought a crooked cat which caught a crooked mouse,
    And they all lived together in a little crooked house."
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017
I had forgotten about that particular nursery rhyme. Thank you for reminding me.
Reply
:iconjwa2277:
JWA2277 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
I felt "I have read this before", and they are different, but have a similarity too.
I felt it worth adding to the commentary. I meant no offence by it, only comparison and contrast.
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017
No offense was taken at all. Your comment was appreciated and I understood why you did it. Thank you. :iconbowplz:
Reply
:iconjwa2277:
JWA2277 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
:):hug: thanks
Reply
:iconlostgryphin:
LostGryphin Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2017  Hobbyist Photographer
Congrats on the DD.
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017
Thank you very much for both the comment and  the fave. I am glad you enjoyed Within.
Reply
:iconpennedinwhite:
PennedinWhite Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
A beautiful write. Goes to prove something doesn't have to be excessively long to be fantastic.

Well done, and congrats on the DD! :heart:
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017
:blushes:
Thank you so much, Shara. Your comment means a lot to me and I am glad you liked Within.

I have just taken a quick peak at your gallery and I find myself eager to browse through it.
Reply
:iconpennedinwhite:
PennedinWhite Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
You are most welcome. It was quite enjoyable for me. Thanks for sharing! :heart:

:D
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2017
My pleasure. Thanks for reading, lol.
Reply
:icontristancody:
TristanCody Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2017  Student Writer
Wonderful work here. Oak leaves are a piercing image.
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017
Thank you, Tristan, for this comment and the fave.

The oak leaves, sprinkled through with sunlight just kept popping into my head when I wrote this. I wasn't sure if it fit or not but I liked it.
Reply
:icontristancody:
TristanCody Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017  Student Writer
It was no problem!

Something so natural just had to fit.
Reply
:iconcelesteial:
celesteial Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful poem, great work! 
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2017
Thank you so much, Kayla, for the comment. It is appreciated.
Reply
:iconleviadraconia:
LeviaDraconia Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2017  Professional General Artist
:deviantart: Congrats on the DD! :heart: :clap: :deviantart:
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2017
Thank you so much. I was quite surprised this morning!
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2017   Writer
Another fave from me. This is really good and leads to the end very nicely. And I like the last part the most, though it's all needed to work.
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2017
Thank you so much, my friend. I appreciate the fave, as always, and it is good to see you around here.
Reply
:iconcristinewakesuphappy:
cristinewakesuphappy Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
:iconlovebottleplz:

i miss reading your work.
this is beautiful.
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2017
Thank you, Cristine. And you can be sure, just as you miss reading my work, that I miss reading yours.
It is good to hear from you and I hope you have been well.
Reply
:iconlyrica-lee:
Lyrica-Lee Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful as always. I've done the disappearing thing again but I come back once in a while just to see what you've written.
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2017
Thank you.
Your return just to check to see what I have written brings me a smile. I wish I had more written for you but I have been doing the ghost thing as well.
As always, anything you collect is appreciated and if you are so inclined, I would love to hear from you-
Reply
:iconlyrica-lee:
Lyrica-Lee Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
I haven't really stopped writing.. but life gets in the way so much. As usual I tend to drift back here when everything is going wrong. I'll try to upload some stuff soon tho. Hope all is well xx
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2017
That it does, that it does.

I hope life rights itself for you and grants you some peace. You need it.
Reply
:iconlealsfeels:
lealsfeels Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2016
I've let this sit in my notifications because I just didn't feel ready for your awesome writing.  But I'm here now! 


I really enjoy the message here but even more so with the way you've paced it and laid it out though the line breaks. 

For fun, I read it backwards and it works that way too so bravo! :clap: 
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2016
Backwards? Interesting.

Ok, lol. It does work. It could some tweaking if its going to be read backwards but overall, it works but changes the meaning.

Im glad you liked this. It was a spur of the moment piece that captures exactly how I was feeling. A touch more maudlin and wistful than what I usually come up with.
Reply
:iconlealsfeels:
lealsfeels Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2016
I did like it.  

You know if you ever want to talk about anything, I'm here.  I mean, you could just write it out in poems and whatnot but if you need a listening ear.  
Reply
:icongoldfinching:
goldfinching Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2016
I very much see myself in this piece. I love "through broken Oak leaves that hide shadows, smiles and intentions" conjures such a potent image in my head
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2016
I am glad you enjoyed this. I wasnt sure about using the oak leaves line because I felt it doesnt quite fit with the overall feel of the poem but I liked the image it conjured in my head.
Reply
:icongoldfinching:
goldfinching Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2016
Yeah I suppose it stands out a bit from the rest of the poem, but it sounds cool nonetheless :)
Reply
:iconeremitik:
Eremitik Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2016
That it does. Thank you again.
Reply
:iconsenoritablack:
SenoritaBlack Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2016
Are you okay?

Yeah, I admit it. I'm way late. But...are you?
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconeremitik: More from Eremitik


Featured in Collections

DDs by DevNews

DD's by Black-B-o-x

Literature Daily Deviations by LadyLincoln


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
October 9, 2016
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,765
Favourites
73 (who?)
Comments
56
×